A Moonlit Walk with Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

This is not the Buzz Lightyear of Star Command you all know. This is my buzz, the daschund. I swear that's his name. You can check the birth certificate Rohin and I made for him when we got him about 11 years ago. Let me paint you a picture: hes black with a tan nose and feet. His claws are humongous and his teeth, a not very attractive yellow. He smells as pretty as a dog can, but his breath could put the kraken to shame. He walks about with the air of one who owns whatever his aura touches. You can try calling him to come over to you, he will not dignify you with more than a look in your general direction that says, "Yeah. Right." He has the grace to look embarrassed and confused when he farts and audacity to walk away from you when you are on your knees grovelling for his attention. He is the quintessential dignified old man one would not want to cross and dare not patronise. Try making coochie coo sounds at him. Go on. I dare you.
Anyway, I had the pleasure of taking this incredible, albeit useless, creature for his evening walk. His walks generally consist of someone hooking on the leash so he will walk out of the house(he never leaves without it on) and unhooks it as soon as they step out of the gate. He is then allowed to run free about the clearing adjacent to the house for about 5 minutes. Not today though. Today, I would walk him around the park. I think he sensed this because he was very excited. More than usual. Not that I blame him. He's been sniffing at the same blades of grass and car tyres for a while. He needed a change.
So we set off, going from one side of the road to the other. For all intents and purposes we were following the path of an absurdly large drunken snake. You could sense his excitement.. all these new smells! Oh my. You could see the sparks flying from his eyes..
We zigzagged across the road till we came to a hill about two feet high. Considering buzz is about 8 inches tall, this mound of earth was to him, a challenge. HE climbed it repeatedly, slipping off just as he reached the top. When he finally made it he turned his ass around so he wasn't facing me and took what seemed like a healthy and satisfying dump. He looked confused and slightly annoyed at the sound of his poop hitting the hill and slowly rolling off it. I dodged.
We walked on and he revelled in the aroma of new tyres. We jaunted along, him lost in the Ecstasy of new scents, and I, lost in various deep thoughts that at the time seemed life changing. It was a calm moment, both of us existing in our own worlds in our own heads when suddenly disaster struck in the form of an absurdly large indistinguishable fruit falling from the tree. Buzz jumped back, petrified, tail between his legs. he gave the fallen fruit a wide berth only to spy a cow coming out of the shrubs. This miniature genius went into full on attack mode, barking and pulling on his leash with all 3.5 kgs of his weight. Talk about misplaced sense of fear.
Barring this one explosive incident, the walk was largely uneventful. We strolled back towards the house, buzz picking up his pace as we got closer. He bolted in the gate, waited for me to take of his leash and jaunted into the house, his tail standing erect, his body wagging side to side with pride. He stepped into the kitchen and promptly collapsed on the floor with a sigh of contentment and was snoring not a minute later.
Needless to say, it was a good walk.